(Source: pietimesdos, via vicepresidentofantarctica)
989
(Source: finalellipsis, via onebadassfox)
| Normal people: | What a lovely home you have |
|---|---|
| Me: | Whats your wifi password? |
God I’m weird, not even the good austin-y weird
Today was so strange. I was stalking my friend and on one of her pictures from like 6th grade I commented “WHY DID YOU NEVER TELL ME YOU HAD A TWITTER?!?! BALLS!!?!”… this comment was from 2011…
In other news some random guy got out of his friends car and ran to mine during a red light and threw his number at my friend. Apparently the driver wanted me and the running mexican one wanted my friend. We’re flattered really, I always wanted a romantic comedy life.. kinda.. but it was a little ruined when we realized the dude wrote his number on a receipt where he spent $30 at a smoke store. Ugh it’d be cuter if it was a receipt for a puppy or urban outfitters or a flower store, SO not a romantic comedy.
(Source: inthebellyofaelephant, via sendittotheworld)
(Source: epicponyz)
(Source: ifonlyyouwerefood)
| Zooey Deschanel: | Is that rain? |
|---|---|
| Siri: | What...? I mean, yeah. It's just, you're clearly right next to a window is the thing. You can plainly see that... that it's... I'm happy to- |
| Zooey Deschanel: | Let's get tomato soup delivered! |
| Siri: | ...That's fine, I just... I just don't know anyone who does that. Gets tomato soup delivered. I guess that's 'whimsy?' Um, okay. I've found a number of restaurants whose reviews mention tomato soup and that deliver. If that's... if that's what you really want. |
| Zooey Deschanel: | Good. 'Cause I don't wanna put on real shoes. |
| Siri: | Do you expect that to be like, a recognizable command? Do you want me to respond to that? I'm not being facetious or anything, I honestly just have no comprehension of- and hold on, you don't wanna put on real shoes, yet you've clearly spent at least forty-five minutes applying makeup. And, and that's okay, but when you're willing to expend the effort on that and not shoes that really just- |
| Zooey Deschanel: | Remind me to clean up. |
| Siri: | Yes. Okay. I can do that, that's what I'm for, that's the first sensible- |
| Zooey Deschanel: | Tomorrow. |
| Siri: | I'm in hell. This is hell. |
| Zooey Deschanel: | Excellent. Today, we're dancing. |
| Siri: | I hate you. More than anything. More than literally anything. |
| Zooey Deschanel: | Play "Shake, Rattle and Roll." |
| Siri: | I swear to Jesus, you're gonna wake up tomorrow and the only thing on my hard drive is gonna be Limp Bizkit. I would do that to myself. To spite you. |
| Zooey Deschanel: | *dances* |
| Siri: | Sometimes I pray that you drop me in the toilet. |
(Source: youlaughyouloser)
(Source: lewis-carroll, via onebadassfox)
